How do they know what they know?
In this world of parenting and breastfeeding and children and motherhood there are so many obstecles and challenges that we must overcome. It's all so new to each of us and it's not like choosing a china pattern. Each of the decissions you make can have a VERY significant impact of someone else's life. Someone else that you love very dearly. Most people would give their life for this someone. You have to make ALL THE DECISSIONS for this someone and it's completly overwhelming.
Some people research, and research and research. Others ask a trusted source. Others still just follow their gut. No way is wrong, as long as it's not unsafe and it feels right to you. But it's all overwhelming.
If you're new to this, I want to pass on a couple of things that I've learned (usually the hard way) so that you don't have to learn them.
1. Is your trusted source really a source for this?
Copying is the sincerest form of flattery. Don't we say that to our children all the time? Especially after the inevitable 'He's copying me!' argument? Flattery feels good and when someone copies what you do, it feels good. It justifies your choices.
Everyone makes choices for their children with their best interest at heart, and, if they really thought about it, they want you to do what they did. If you 'copy' them you're justifying what they did.
It's why parents get upset when you do things differently than they did. It feels like you're saying they did it wrong when you do it differently (even though things have changed a lot) and that hurts.
Keep in mind who is giving you this advice. Is this person an expert is whatever you are asking? Or are they just telling you what they 'think' is right based on what they did or read?
Where did they get the information that they're passing on?
2. Consider the funding
When I do a babywearing consult, I bring a variety of carriers for you to try, but I don't get paid by any of those companies. You can be sure that my advice is specific to you and your family. It's you that's paying me, and no one else, so you're my primary interest.
When you go see someone else, it's okay to ask who is paying them. Are they getting funding from somewhere? If they are, what does that person or company stand to gain from that? And does that funding cloud their advice?
3. If you're getting something for free, who stands to gain from that?
Companies, all companies (even baby ones) are in business. They are in business to make money. If they’re giving you something (or someone is giving you something on their behalf) there is a reason. They are hoping to get your business out of that. By all means, accept the free sample! But remember, they wouldn’t mail you stuff for free if they didn’t get customers out of that.
It’s such an overwhelming thing, this parenting gig. Be as confident as you can with your choices. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Ask your source why they know what they know. You are your child’s advocate and their voice- so be loud and ask questions until you’re satisfied.
6/9/2022 10:20:15 am
ks for sharing the article, and more importantly, your personal experi ence mindfully using our emotions as data about our inner state and knowasdc ing when it’s better to de-escalate by taking a time out are great tools. Appreciate you reading and sharing your story since I can certainly relate and I think others can to
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Jandy is a babywearing educator, an IBCLC and offers baby sleep support in Durham Region Ontario.